A while ago I ranted here about the internet. I talked about how fantastic is seems sometimes to be connected like this, to people I never could have met otherwise.
But there are some days I really hate it.
Today I was checking emails and remembered an old address that I hadn’t checked for a while. So I log in and find an email from my estranged father. The last time I spoke with this man I had an emotional breakdown at my own birthday party.
He wrote about how guilty he felt for leaving. How he wished he had kept in contact. He ended with, 'From your loving father.'
I just stared at these words. Just words on a page from this man who hurt me badly. The words didn’t feel like him, they felt empty. If he said this me, if he looked at me and told me he was truly sorry and he loved me it might heal some of the emotional wounds I’ve been carrying around so fucking long.
So for today at least, I hate the internet. Yet I still love it. All humans need to be heard. In posting this maybe someone will hear this. That isn’t much.
But maybe its enough.
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